Thanksgiving Turkey

In the NICU, Oliver has been widely known as "Baby Slack" and "The Slacker." In no particular hurry to leave his worshipful team of doctors and nurses, Oliver has put himself at risk of earning another nickname: Thanksgiving Turkey.

After another week of steady growth (he's one ounce short of 6 pounds) and solid progress (episodes of Apnea and Bradycardia have been almost non-existent), he has one more chance to avoid the new moniker. He starts his second sleep study today and, should he pass, would be a candidate for discharge on Monday. Should he fail the test, the Thanksgiving Turkey will be drinking Thanksgiving breast milk while the unlucky-to-be-working-on-a-holiday Nurses will be sharing a pot luck and snickering at the little boy who doesn't want to leave the NICU.

Oliver, you don't want that!

No doubt you can imagine his loving parents on this Sunday morning, calmly drinking their coffee and tea, not particularly worried about the outcome, totally relaxed. Would you like some oatmeal, dear? He's having another sleep test? Oh, that's nice. If he passes, great. If he fails, no big deal. Thanksgiving in the NICU? Oh sure, why not!? It's not like if he fails we're going to jump off a bridge or anything!!! Yea, OK, whatever, seriously, we're not freaking out or anything! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK WE'RE FREAKING OUT?!?! WE ARE TOTALLY RELAXED, OK!!!!???

Yes, the loving-parents-who-are-totally-ready-for-this-are-you-kidding are going to the hospital this morning and they will feed Oliver and he will have great feedings and, don't be silly, he's not going to have any episodes and you can forget about any curveballs because they know how to give him his medicine and they can tell when he needs to take a break because his acid reflux is acting up and they are total studs when it comes to burping they know exactly when he needs to burp, thank you, and when he's full, that's fine, they stop feeding him and give him time to settle his stomach before putting him back down and today is going to be a piece of cake and if he doesn't pass his sleep test that will be fine but it won't be his loving parents' fault that he doesn't pass.

Nobody is freaking out. Obviously.